Trying harder to sleep often keeps you awake, because sleep isn't something you can do on purpose. The more effort you put in, the more alert you have to be. This guide is for anyone who lies in bed working at sleep and would like a gentler way to approach the night.
In short
- Sleep happens to you. You can't make it happen through effort.
- Hypnotherapists call this the law of reversed effect: the harder you try, the further it slips away.
- Clock-watching, counting the hours left and forcing your eyes shut are all forms of trying.
- What helps is setting things up during the day, then letting go of the result at night.
Why does trying to sleep keep you awake?
Because effort and sleep need opposite things. To try hard at anything, you have to stay alert, keep checking and push. To fall asleep, you have to stop checking and let go.
Most things in life reward effort. Work harder at a report and it usually gets done. Sleep doesn't work like that. It happens when the conditions are right, not because you've done it. The Sleep Charity puts it simply: you can't control what happens when you sleep, but you can control what you do during the day to prepare for it.
So when you lie there telling yourself to sleep, you're giving the busy, effortful part of your mind a job it can't do. It keeps at it. You stay awake.
What is the law of reversed effect?
It's the idea that the harder you consciously try to make something happen that can't be forced, the less likely it becomes. Hypnotherapists use the name a lot, because it explains so much about sleep.
You've probably felt it elsewhere. You try to remember someone's name and it won't come. You give up, put the kettle on, and it pops into your head. Or you try hard not to blush, and your face gets hotter.
Sleep is the same. Wanting it badly and pushing for it tends to keep it at arm's length. Letting it come in its own time leaves room for it.
What does trying too hard to sleep look like?
It rarely feels like trying. It feels like being sensible. Common signs:
- checking the clock and working out how many hours you've got left
- lying very still with your eyes squeezed shut, waiting
- checking in with yourself: am I sleepy yet?
- going to bed early to make up for a bad night
- following a strict routine and feeling it's failed if you're still awake
- telling yourself you must sleep because tomorrow matters
Each of these keeps your attention on sleep and keeps you watching for it. Watching is a waking job.
It's 1:40am. Your alarm's set for 6:40. If you drop off now, that's five hours. You check again. 2:10. Four and a half. By now you're doing sums, not sleeping.
Why do bad nights make the next one harder?
Because a bad night raises the stakes. After a rough night, you go to bed wanting the next one to go well. That wanting is a kind of pressure, and pressure is effort.
Over time, bed can start to feel like the place where you struggle. You might feel sleepy on the sofa, then wide awake as soon as your head touches the pillow. That doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It's a pattern, and patterns can shift.
What helps instead of trying harder?
Change the aim. Instead of trying to sleep, aim to rest comfortably and let sleep turn up when it's ready. That takes the pressure off, and with less pressure there's less to fight.
NHS advice on sleeping habits supports this from the daytime side:
- only go to bed when you feel sleepy
- get up at the same time every day
- give yourself at least an hour to relax before bed, with something like a bath or a book
- keep phones and screens out of the time right before bed
- don't sleep in after a bad night, stick to your usual hours
Then, at night, your job is small. Get comfortable. Let thoughts come and go without arguing with them. If sleep comes, good. If it doesn't for a while, you're still resting.
Try this tonight
- Turn the clock away and put your phone out of reach. If you can't see the time, you can't do the sums.
- As you settle, tell yourself: I don't have to sleep, I only have to rest. Repeat it whenever you need to.
- Notice the weight of your body on the mattress and your head on the pillow. When your mind wanders, that's fine. Come back to the weight when you notice.
- If you've been lying there a while, feel wide awake and it's getting frustrating, get up. Do something quiet in low light, then go back to bed when you feel sleepy.
- In the morning, get up at your usual time, however the night went.
Some people find it easier to let go when there's something to follow. That's the idea behind our sleep sessions: you lie back, listen and let your attention drift with the voice, with nothing to achieve. If you'd like to know what that's like, What happens in a sleep hypnosis session walks you through it.
When to talk to someone
See your GP if:
- changing your sleeping habits hasn't helped
- you've had trouble sleeping for months
- poor sleep is affecting your daily life in a way that makes it hard to cope
A GP will look at what might be behind it. They may offer cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which can help you change the thoughts and habits that keep you from sleeping. If worry or low mood is keeping you awake, mention that too.
The Sleep Charity has advice for adults and runs a National Sleep Helpline at set times each week.
Outside the UK, speak to your doctor, or find a free helpline near you at findahelpline.com. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.
Questions
On the sofa you're usually not trying. You're half-watching something, not waiting to drop off, so there's no effort getting in the way. In bed, the effort comes back. The steps above are about bringing a little of that sofa feeling to bed: less watching, less waiting.
It's tempting, but it can mean more time lying awake and more time trying. The NHS suggests only going to bed when you're sleepy and keeping to your regular hours.
No. Sleep matters, and it's fine to want more of it. The shift is in where the effort goes: into your days and your wind-down, rather than into forcing it once the light's off.
Sources
- NHS, Insomnia
- The Sleep Charity, Adults: advice and information
Before you start, please read who our sessions aren't suitable for →
Related guides: How to use a sleep hypnosis audio at bedtime · What happens in a sleep hypnosis session
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